The work that first made Masefield famous, it shocked early 20th century British sensibilities with its direct, honest, and therefore often harsh language, as the life of protagonist violent, drunken womanizer Saul Kane is laid out in detail.
这里应该写为:
…, as the life of the protagonist, the violent, drunken womanizer Saul Kane, is laid out in detail.
或者
…, as the life of Saul Kane, the protagonist who is a violent, drunken womanizer, is laid out in detail.
The 80 books of the King James Version include 39 books of the Old Testament, an intertestamental section containing 14 books of what Protestants consider the Apocrypha, and the 27 books of the New Testament.
感觉 “27 books” 前面不应该有 “the”。注意到叙述 “39” 和 “14” 的地方就没有
… regarded as a literary masterpiece, and definitive of the ethno-national cultural identity of Iran.
definitive在这里显然错误,句子不如改为:
The work is of central importance in Persian culture and language, regarded as a literary masterpiece and a definitive text on the ethno-national cultural identity of Iran. It is also important to contemporary adherents of Zoroastrianism…
The pamphlet continues with further exhortations to repentance followed by an allegory about a grasshopper and an ant, the former representing fecklessness, the latter representing thrift.
这句话最好改为:
… followed by an allegory, which is derived from a famous fable of Aesop about a spendthrift grasshopper begging for food from a thrifty ant to survive the upcoming winter.